I feel lighter but have not gotten on a scale again since the last disappointing weigh in (and won't until my fill). TOM showed up, I do notice my knees don't hurt as much and Im up later at night - more energy or stress??? I have been sailing through soft stage. Meat seems to be my problem - feeling stuck a few times but couldn't tell if I ate it too fast or if it was just the meat in the dish. Bread is fine - Thank god - I would cry if I couldn't have any bread. My neighbours have noticed that I've lost weight - my kid noticed - my family noticed - so how come I DONT NOTICE?
I still operate like a fat person. I take the stairs one step at a time, Im thinking about food all the time again, I feel so hungry and I know sometimes (probably most times) it's brain hunger but Im still living my life around my food and my mobility issues and that fat girl is still in control.
My big scar is not healing as quick as I had hoped it would. This is a reminder that I can't go in the pool for aqua fit. Walking still hurts alot since I have plantar faciitis and I think I need about 50 more lbs off to get some relief there. I even bought a wii fit and haven't even set it up. I'm in fat lady mode - lots of excuses and with no plan and I can't get out.
I am planning a family trip in December to Universal Orlando - my little guy is finally big enough for rides and I soooo want to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. At the beginning I was so excited - I have my band and should be in my onederland by December - this will be such a awesome fun trip with mommy able to go on rides etc. (Dad does not do rides) and then I start planning - but Im planning as a fat person - How far is everything from each other? Do the rides have weight restrictions? How long does it take to walk the park? I can feel my feet and hips hurting as I look at the park map. Hot sun will swell my feet up like balloons and the chub rub -OMG the pain of the Chub Rub - I MUST bring baby powder. Im even picking the hotel because I like its restaurants better than the others.
I need a total mind frame adjustment - is that included with my band? Some old fashion brain washing would be wonderful right about now... Why is there not a cult of former fatties that kidnap you in the potato chip aisle and take you to their hide-a-way and alter your mind and then release you back into the world thinking that everything is fine and you are in total control of your life and food and that you can do this... and that you don't like chips & chocolate anymore? Im on to something here aren't I?
Last night I went on some of my favourite blogs of the ladies that have hit goal or almost goal and I was trying to figure out when this funk would stop and I noticed that many of the old school bandsters wouldn't post their total weight - just how much they lost. Maybe I should be looking at the small numbers instead of the giant scale number? Maybe this would help me feel more successful. I am down a total of 22lbs from my highest weight 284. I am down 17lbs since pre op and 1lb since surgery - I guess that looks better than the 261 on the scale.
I know that I will always have a core of a fat girl - I can never shed the years of teasing and dieting and sometimes I think she is what makes me a good person and loving because I would be a total bitch if I was always a skinny girl (I can admit it). I just want to start living like I CAN instead of should I or I can't.