Friday, 31 August 2012

Ive fallen and I cant get up....

No this isnt a depressing post about not being one with my band... I actually fell and now I am hobbling around like an old lady.

Brief recap.. went to Toronto to get my hair cut which looks good but short and no longer like Gene Simmons toupee. When in Toronto I went to the fish market - you know to get fish. I live in a small town where you can get sole and salmon and your basic fish - I like adventure so I try new fishy recipes all the time so anyways... Im at the market and we are (me and my oldest) going up the concrete stairs when I fall UP the stairs - I put my hands in front of me so I dont smash all my teeth and kinda slide on the landing in front of me while people walk down the stairs... I as a fat lady quickly get up so I dont draw anymore attention to my self... and hobble away. BTW only the guy I almost tripped down the stairs asked if I was OK... So away I went on my daily business got my fish told the kid I was ok etc. spent the day in the city and then drove home well I awoke to this....

Its the size of a cookie and completely swollen there is also a little bruise on my knee my arm hurts and also my nose which I dont get at all. So this is Wednesday...

On Thursday at about 3am I wake up sweating and my throat is hurting and I feel like crap... By the time I actually wake up I have lost my voice and have to go to a meeting at my kids school to meet everyone who helps him get through the year...

OH did I mention my eye is also crusted shut.. yes gross weepy eye to go along with no voice.

Today I have been hacking for about 3 hours now with no end in site - cough meds are NOT working - and I am officially sick for the start of the long weekend.

ON the UPSIDE - you know its because of all of you that i can even see an UPSIDE xxoo...

I have lost 2 lbs. now if this continues I will have my purse for BOOBS and kick ass in the challenge...

So on that happy note Im off to make Greek mountain tea with a bit of butter in it (Really butter - this is what my mom used to make me when I had a cough as a child - wonder how I got fat?? LOL) and go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather and disturb my neighbours with my gross hacking...

Have a great weekend everyone....

p.s. please send good thoughts my way so my kids dont get sick and have to stay home longer - I am so ready for everyone to go back to school.

Monday, 20 August 2012

M.I.A. Blogger Found Alive & Better Than Ever!

Hi Bloggies!!!

**** WARNING**** This is a long read ****

I have been MIA with alot going on here so I think the best way to give you the lowdown on life is in point form...

Well the last time I blogged I was in period hell and being beaten by my hormones. I have decided that I actually do need help in the form of a tiny little pill. I hate taking drugs even vitamins but I after months and years of this roller coaster ride I think I have finally tweaked my dose so Im able to function as a person and also take the hormonal beating. Only time will tell.

Me and my tween dont get along - he says black - I say grey - its never ending - we are alot alike - I can see that - I love him - after all he's my baby and I do love him but sometime I don't. I can actually feel my band tighten when he walks into a room and I cannot eat with him around - I will be 100% stuck. Is everyone eating at a big family table and not feeling stressed? Are you eating away from your families now that you are banded? Any advice? What are others doing?

I have been motivated by my boobmie Jenn - we are now texting and I think its fab to have someone there just to check in on you. Someone who knows that you have a band and that you dont have to explain to over and over again why you cant eat a bagel. Thanks for being there you are awesome and I am grateful.

I bought a BOOBS Coach wristlet to take with me around town. It was $40 so Im calling it my 240's motivational purse - I refuse to allow myself to even take it out of the wrapping until I get out of my 250's. Come on 240's

I have been moving - only a little everyday but something. I have plantar faciatis. Which for me - basically feels like I am walking on thick shards of glass all the time. I have had it for so long I have pain and numbness and spasms all the time - I am hoping once I pass 225 it will make a huge difference - thats the weight I was when they 1st started hurting.

I stubbed my big toe on Saturday night and cracked my entire nail in half and ripped off a piece - it is grossing me out just writing this - anyway - now Im scared to go in the pool - I will try tomorrow and wrap it up water tight.

HUGE NSV - I picked up the stupid green highlighter under my desk that has been there since I started my job!!! It wasnt as graceful as I pictured but I was able to bend enough to get under my desk and back out. WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

Another NSV... my underwear fell down - not because the elastic was shot but I have lost some weight that the fat rolls are not holding it up as they used to - I was unfortunately eating Ice Cream when it happened but either way things are looser.

Im feeling up this week and hope to be down in the BOOBS challenge this week.

I am still weighing myself everyday - I can see how it would screw with your head but I can also see where it makes you very aware of what your body is actually doing.

My boss went on holiday and has been in a good mood - work is super busy and she doesnt have time to notice me which I like - it makes my job really great when Im not in the middle of things and have to hear to how awesome the useless girl is.

I have hidden all the back to school food in the trunk of my husbands car - they dont even know I bought loads of pudding cups, granola bars, dunkaroos etc. I so hate getting that crap for them but they always tell me how the "normal" kids have junk food and Im always worried that my problems with food is making me a nazi when it comes to their food choices. So I try to let them have what the other kids are having. But I think because I deprive them they want it more and go crazy when its around so I have to hide it. Nice way to screw up my kids relationship with food eh?

That is all I think you're up to speed - life I going forward whether I like it or not. I am on the right road now all I have to do is keep walking.

Until later


Friday, 10 August 2012

Dear Hormones...

Dear Hormones,

Why have you become this way? What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment? I have always been fun and tried to satisfy your needs and cravings when you asked so why are you doing this? Ive grown and birthed babies for you, I have cried for you, Ive eaten chocolate for you. I have made my husband do dirty things for you. I even paid $16,000.00 for a lapband so we can have this vessel for more time and more fun. So really what gives? We have cohabited for 40 years in peaceful harmony but now you make me a F*@%ing crazy bitch boarder lining on the 'C' word. My body hurts, I fight with my kids and people I love, you make me want food I never knew existed for days, you make me gain an incredible amount of weight AND you just 'POP' in with your red friend when ever you feel like it. You know I hate pop in's especially when my kitchen is not clean.

Why are you being so rude?

Are you back on the wagon - do you need drugs, the pill, multi-vitamins, St John's Wort?
Do you need more chocolate or chips? I really hate doing that. I have no idea why you run and ruin my life for 6-9 days every month and always when I least expect it - but I need you to stop now - I am not happy living here with you anymore. Lets go back to seeing each other every 28 days - I liked that - you never overstayed your welcome - I could put up with you for 4 days - I would even look for your arrival... it was nice, normal - I liked that. Cause this is NOT working...

Please get your shit together or I will have to bring in the big guns and go right to Menopause and those bitches will f*$# you up!

Monday, 6 August 2012

Long weekend and week off...

It has been a long weekend here in Ontario plus a week off for me!!!
And I like many have enjoyed getting together with friends. I actually did my last BOOBS challenge challenge this Saturday and visited with one of my best friends and her family in Niagara who were like my second family for many of my teenage years. Her brother was there from Tennessee with his boys (I haven't seen him since before I had kids and even though I have lost weight I don't think he has ever seen me this big plus I used to be in love with him when I was 16) It was so strange to see them all again but with kids. The food was fatty but I did well I think and I did not get stuck - Yeah!

I also reached out and asked my boobmie - JennXaz to help me be accountable cause I am not.. she said yes but I have been lazy as to planning what that will look like or maybe avoiding - LOL.

I think Im in for a gain this Wednesday :( but hopefully not much of one and I am again trying to jumpstart my loss and get under the 250's and stay there once and for all with some good old fashioned food logging, accountability and portion control - extreme nazi like portion control - 1 cup ONLY - NO bread or crackers (my new bread substitute) - high protein - low low low fat and defiantly NO MORE Ice Cream - you see the local grocery store has their own brand of ice cream and they just invented...
all I have to say is OMG and Yes it tastes as good as it looks. BONUS 1/2 the calories of the Hagen Daas Chocolate Peanut Butter that I was eating in those tiny containers until I read the calorie content. GASP!

So I will start my relaxing week off with yummy good food and my eye on the scale and the fitness pal in hand - mini personal goal - to log in everything until Friday (maybe longer).

Thanks to all of you for still being here... Happy week... see you Wednesday

Thursday, 2 August 2012

dix choses jeudi a.k.a. 10 things Thursday

1. I bough a bento box when I was in Boston - its small and lovely here it is... the only downside is that the sauce container leaks if its not upright.

without food
with food
2. Im so unhappy with my job - even though as jobs go its really great and flexible but I am where I am going to be FOREVER. They ask for me to help on a project and then say ok let blah blah know the details and she'll/he'll take it from here. Why should I work for blah blah to get credit cause the 'she' blah blah is a cow and a twit - I really want her to hang herself... but my boss just ignores her mistakes because my boss has decided that blah blah poops lollypops and rainbows and I am not able to be anything more than what I am. I really think its because Im fat... I didn't before but now the way she asks questions all the time about my weight loss and how she talks about her needing to be on a diet (she's 5'9, 156lbs and 63 years old) Yeah I think she has weight issues...

3. Me & Gilly last month - I forgot to post this. She does have wonderful hair especially next to my Gene Simmons toupee ...

4. I painted my toes blue at the crazy cheap Korean lady nail place today.... $10  

5. I keep losing sites from my reading list on blogger... is there a limit? why do the disappear? BOOBS is one of them and something something something fat chick... WTF? I keep adding them and it doesn't seem to stay????? Any ideas super techie bloggers?

6. I bought a super cool game today... follow this link to check it out...

7. I was thinking of something super funny for todays blog last night but when I woke up I couldn't remember what it was. I should have written it and saved it... my mind is going...

8. I have Duran Duran tickets to see them on September 1st at a Casino about 2 hours North of where Im at. I don't know if Im looking forward to it or if Im dreading it...I hate running into people from ages ago even though my life is great I don't look like I wish I did when I run into them. Im hoping the real bitches will look like crap too... fingers crossed x

9. Big kid is away at camp and usually little kid and I would hang out and it would be nice and peaceful. But little kid is making me nuts... is there a crazy 8's??? It would be kinda like the terrible 2's but more of an a**hole and not as cute while doing it???

10/Dix/Ten.. I will end this with a treat for you... my Coconut Mojito recipe...

3-4 fresh mint leaves
simple syrup - to taste (this is boiled down sugar water)
1/2 a lime - sliced
coconut rum - to taste
- muddle all this together - really crush up the mint and lime
add soda water and lots of ice... swirl clockwise with a stick of sugar cane or your finger and chant before you drink "I'm not worthy"

so YUM (please note: this does NOT promote weight loss but gets you drunk before you know it - don't drink and drive people)
Happy Thursday!!!!

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

OMG!!!!! OMG!!!!! OMG!!!!

Last night I was visited by the liposuction fairy. 

I love the liposuction fairy and she's a very busy gal but she took pity on me and came to me and sucked out 3lbs. so when I weighed in this morning here's what I saw...

Yup 254.4 thats 4.4 lbs down from last week.... WOOO HOO!!!! Thank you Liposuction Fairy!

I really hate that my happiness is still so connected to the numbers on the scale but I was so shocked but I was smiling... it's a hard habit to break being so effected by the numbers on the scale but at least my self worth is no longer attached to them so I guess cutting one cord at a time is a start.

So YEAH for ME!!!! and YEAH for all of YOU too!!!! Happy Day!!!