Soup, poop and everything in between.

I have been eating so much soup since my full stage started. All homemade and supper yummy.

Cream of Broccoli and Cheddar - my first ever that I made from scratch - all recipes.com
Cream of Cauliflower (bought from this awesome restaurant called Bluebird),
The not so good Sweet Potato ?? and something gross spicy - also from Bluebird,
Roasted Red Pepper, Carrot, Tomato - that my awesome neighbour made especially for me - (did I mention I have the BEST neighbours)
Lentil soup - I made it from my mom's recipe,
And last nights Shrimp Bisque with Sherry (Williams Sonoma Soup cookbook) - below

I was eating this last night - so decadent and I was gulping it down - no restriction but boy was my stomach making crazy noises and I was burping alot. I realized then that I totally ate that without any thought because it went down easy and my hubby was there and I was not in my food place. I need to be more mindful of my meals - I hope that will get easier when Im chewing my food since I can mentally count chews and swallow and the time between drinking water. But it scared me a little - how quickly I could slip up.

I also had Starbucks yesterday - my fave - Tazo Chai - this time a Tall not a Venti and non fat. Yum. It's funny it just kinda dawned on me that the thing that I was missing most - Starbucks - during my pre op - that I told everyone was going to be "my 1st thing that Im going to have once I can" - took me almost an entire week to go get. I guess food can NOT be my #1 focus in life - WOW I can't wait for that to happen all the time.

There is so much mental work that needs to get done - it all seemed simple until now. I know I have almost nothing in my band 0.04cc and won't have that 1st fill until April but its hard when to know if Im hungry for real or if its my brain when Ive spent many years just stuffing my face for boredom, stress, sadness, happiness, holidays, etc and mane once in a while for 'real' hunger.

Now here's the POOP of this blog... All through this 'Full' stage you would think the soup would be running through me but nope. I have not been to the bathroom since Friday and that was a struggle - I thought I had ripped something open inside and Im still not convinced even after the many phone calls/emails I have made to SWLC telling them about my 'pain'. So today I am giving in and taking Milk of Magnesia and upping my water - which has actually been really hard to take in this week - soup and water too - I feel like Im drowning!

I think I'll be a happier person if I can go to the bathroom but Im a bit terrified to have to push at all - still fearing ripping, slipping or flipping the things inside. This fear is still keeping me on the couch/bed - Im going to try on Friday night again to get back in my bed.

I only have one more day on this full stage and then Im going to puree - WOO HOO!!! I bought pate, cottage cheese, laughing cow cheese, hummus and I am going to try and eat meat on Saturday for hubby's birthday - Im making Irish Stew, Soda Bread and Cheesecake and I plan to puree the stew and try the soda bread chewing it 100 times if I have to and eat a tiny piece of the creamy cheesecake.

God I miss food especially bread - I would slice off a toe - really any toe even the useful ones for some freshly baked crusty baguette right now.

I guess this is the battle right? Not wanting it that much? Being able to have some but just a bit? This is so foreign to me - not eating the entire loaf - I still get some - Im not deprived but I just don't get all of it. Thats the fight with my brain that Im going to have to have - Im not looking forward to it but I didn't spend my life savings and poke holes in my body to not win this fight.

Ok Im off - Im going to try and venture outside today and get some Butternut Squash and Goat Cheese soup (yup from Bluebird). Did I mention they make awesome soup.

Until later xx