Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Domino effect...

I live off the domino effect... In my work its a positive and gets me more sales, more contact, more "bums in seats" as they say. It unfortunately follows me in my daily life usually like a unwanted little brother dragging me down.
Valentines day celebrations began this domino effect. Chocolate, a nice dinner (with lots of butter) and more chocolate has lead to an obscene amount of potato chips, whoopie pies and wine.

I don't drink wine - I like my girly drinks but it takes a lot of effort to slap together a mojito so I don't drink. All my friends drink - they are those moms who come home and have a glass of wine -I always wanted to be those moms but I discovered that I'm a lightweight (that's funny cause I'm fat) and can only drink fruity whites instead of bold reds which would best suit my personality. I feel a bit ashamed I must say...

So there I was the day after valentines buying up $10 worth of British potato chips, a whoopie pie and 2 bottles of wine. What the hell?? I started my morning with a green smoothie and lunch with a cheese string and turkey slices.

Today has been a mess. Just trying to recover from the domino effect is enough to make a girl scream!!! Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to get those dominos back in the pattern that was working?

So off I go to spend my weekend picking up my dominos and my life. Until later xo

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Happy LOVE Thursday!

10 nouns I love....



Dad too but he's not photogenic



CHOCOLATE & most food in general

SISTERS & their kids


& ME (last but at least on the list)

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Accountability Starts Here... Wednesday Weigh In.

I want to restart this right - Im up and down on this band - eating too fast & too much. So I got my mini fill 0.1 cc on Monday and I've been tracking with My Fitness Pal and doing the accountability thing starting yesterday.

So it's Wednesday and I will weigh in...

257.2 lbs

I was lower then that but a birthday and many cupcakes got in the way so here I am again in the 250's. Please give me strength for Valentines day... maybe I wont leave the house!

Until tomorrow loveys! xo

Friday, 8 February 2013

Birthday Band... Shitty feelings ALERT!

Yesterday was my birthday - my 1st birthday with my band....

It has been a stressful 2 weeks with work and just general crap that I have been extra sensitive to but yesterday was my birthday - a day of relaxation a lazy day to open presents, have junky but safe food, etc... but somehow I managed to be stuck on scrambled eggs and bacon... WHY? on my birthday? I even waited until 10:30am and had a tea 1st...


I Pb'd my food on my birthday while I sobbed...

I dont get it???

Im so frustrated - I really cant figure it out sometimes. Im going along perfectly fine and I can eat this and I can eat that but when something is really important - dinner with friends or birthdays or holidays I'm F%#$en Pb'ing on even my safe foods in the middle of the street or at the Harry Potter theme park or even in my bathroom on my birthday.


And my head is screaming - it says "Why am I being denied a nice birthday meal by this band?" Its so depressing when this happens and then I have to go on soft and liquids to make my band less sensitive and then Im starving even more. Im going in for a fill on Monday because I was already hungry....

Sometimes when I get like this I regret my decision and wish I had my money back in my pocket but I can't with any certainty know if I would be around to spend it - I would have surely hit 300lbs+ by now and I would have started some form of meds.

I wish I could just jump start this whole thing... I seem to get 10 steps forward and 12 steps back... Somethings got to give...

Maybe my older self will impart some wisdom in the next few days.... but in the meantime I will take any advise that you may want to share on how to get going again.