Apparently, Ive lost my marbles or so my husband tells me... not eating for 2 weeks is making me a total crazy bitch! And I thought I was doing so well - except for all the crying and sobbing and making my kids feel totally uncomfortable.
One more day on this awful pre op and then the surgery.
Im no longer looking forward to the surgery - I have actually been avoiding thinking about it until now but now it right in my face SCREAMING!!!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
I refused drugs and needles and passed 2 beautiful people thought a very small hole because Im totally terrified of any sort of intervention and now Im voluntarily asking to be given an IV, stabbed 5 times and have a foreign object implanted inside my body (like those alien abductees) What the fuck?????
Really my life has actually come to this - is this really what I am willing to do to not be fat? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Im so terrified that this is a bad bad idea and I will be that one of those people who are crying on 'you tube' about how my band doesn't work and Im still fat and I wasted my life savings and now I have to live in my car cause my husband has left me and taken the kids and the dog.
I guess the batshit has really hit the fan?
Im going to get a massage tomorrow in hopes that it will lower my stress about this whole thing - I love my RMT and friend - she has been there for me for 18 years - she has this awesome peacefulness about her and she was there when my babies were born and I guess its only appropriate that she be a part of calming me down for this too.
Now Im crying while writing this. Fuck! I wish I could have chocolate right now.
Honey, it is scary. I certainly had my moment of "what the hell am I doing" before my surgery too. But honestly, it is so worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou will succeed. I could NOT have done a 10 fast before surgery- I would have failed. That will be the hardest part. You can do this.
Hi! I'm new to your blog and just reading this first post, I definitely can't wait to follow you on your journey!! You are hilarious (and not batshit crazy!) You will do great and will make it through it and on your way to skinny! Hopefully the massage will help aid in the stress. Good luck to you! looking forward to getting to know you!
ReplyDeleteThis is the RIGHT decision, and the best one you will ever make for yourself! You will NOT fail...you are too strong, and you have too much support to fail. And that's that!
ReplyDeleteTake deep breaths.....you have made the right decision and as long as you are willing to follow the rules, you will succeed. That is what those crying on you tube don't tell you, that they did not follow the rules.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you for your surgery and know that we are all thinking of you!
You are in the scariest part of this whole process right now... try to focus on the reasons why you are going through this. Focus on your goals, your motivations... I know it's hard. Be strong and know that we are all here for you. xxxx
ReplyDeleteDoes it make you feel any better that these feelings are all completely NORMAL and all of us bandsters had them? No? How about the fact that this is everyone's last resort and we all think we should've tried harder on our own and somewhat feel like we're going to extreme to lose the weight? No? How about your family loves you and no one's going to leave you or take the dog and that you've found a great support system here online? I hope that one does it. You're going to be OK...I promise. Enjoy that massage! ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteThe same feelings I had the night before surgery. Oh yeah, and woke up with after surgery.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best deal in the world. IT WORKS. You are starting on a journey to change your life, of course you are frightened. But let me tell you the journey is worth it.
I will be following and cheering you on.
I think what your feeling is normal and you are laying the ground work to be successful. I think the blog is awesome, I also recommend a food tracker like MyFitnessPal so that you can make yourself accountable. You will get to otherside and see how successful you become at this. Hang in there!
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