Apparently, Ive lost my marbles or so my husband tells me... not eating for 2 weeks is making me a total crazy bitch! And I thought I was doing so well - except for all the crying and sobbing and making my kids feel totally uncomfortable.
One more day on this awful pre op and then the surgery.
Im no longer looking forward to the surgery - I have actually been avoiding thinking about it until now but now it right in my face SCREAMING!!!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
I refused drugs and needles and passed 2 beautiful people thought a very small hole because Im totally terrified of any sort of intervention and now Im voluntarily asking to be given an IV, stabbed 5 times and have a foreign object implanted inside my body (like those alien abductees) What the fuck?????
Really my life has actually come to this - is this really what I am willing to do to not be fat? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Im so terrified that this is a bad bad idea and I will be that one of those people who are crying on 'you tube' about how my band doesn't work and Im still fat and I wasted my life savings and now I have to live in my car cause my husband has left me and taken the kids and the dog.
I guess the batshit has really hit the fan?
Im going to get a massage tomorrow in hopes that it will lower my stress about this whole thing - I love my RMT and friend - she has been there for me for 18 years - she has this awesome peacefulness about her and she was there when my babies were born and I guess its only appropriate that she be a part of calming me down for this too.
Now Im crying while writing this. Fuck! I wish I could have chocolate right now.