Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Pantry Challenge!

As you can see Im trying to blog more and trying to be creative in what I shove in my mouth. Since my total unfill and gain and refill I have been slapped into perspective.

I tried to do a pre-op diet to get on track - I felt awful (again) and caved in 2 days. LOL 

So I thought... WHY am I going to such extremes? Yes I know - I wanted to drop alot ASAP. But I felt like crap and could not get anything done I was so tired. 

So I am tracking my food (hate doing this) and sending the husband into the store. I will not set foot into a grocery store for 1 month. (I will also forgive my husband for buying the 'wrong' thing almost every time I send him to the store and I will not want to kill him when he says that the item doesn't exist - even though I buy it all the time)

And I am doing this...




Im sure many of you have heard of this. This is something I did to save money in the past but now Im doing it to keep me out of the grocery store and on track. I found a few sites that give you the how to but I think for bandsters this takes us back to basics and lets our inner foodies out.

If you were like me you cleaned out your cupboards before surgery - well all that good food that we replaced chips and cookies with may still be in there.

So Im going for it. Ive taken inventory and I am ready. Im going to be super chef and create something from the oodles of high protein/low fat legumes that I bought pre surgery and the 19 cans of tuna (that I forgot I bought) will be transformed into gastro paradise meals. Im going to try and get the kids involved too and let them pick something from the pantry and we will research a recipe together and maybe they will be more likely to eat it.

I plan to send hubby for the staples...milk, fruit etc. (please give me the strength to provide him with detailed lists that will guide him properly through the grocery store) and I will not enter a food store or Walmart until September for back to school items - because list or no list husband will get that wrong! But this is my thing - I get into a foodie zone in the grocery store - I become hypnotized and I don't think I have ever entered without getting sidetracked from my list.

So for August - Im doing the pantry challenge! It will save money and I'm hoping it will save calories as well. You're all welcome to join in!

Friday, 26 July 2013

They never think about what our issues may be....

The chair....

This is my wrong sized chair. it was supposed to be 2" bigger - the man at the store where I bought it says whats 2" - Im being unreasonable (Im sure he wanted to use another word but stopped himself)

I told him when you buy a size 8 shoe you don't want a size 7 - he didn't get it and I refused to humiliate myself and tell him that Im too fat for the 36" chair and that I ordered 38" because I NEED the room - f%$#en douch bag! 

They have seen me and no one has thought that 'hey maybe its because of her size that she wants the bigger chair - the chair in the size she ordered??? I have never heard of this before - making a chair that may or may not be the measurements that were provided. No other piece of furniture was not the size that they told me.

I am aware that they are not mind readers but I find it so incredible that no one has figured it out without me saying it and I just look like some idiot customer who's giving them a hard time about 2". 

I shouldn't have to lower my self esteem even more and have to go into it with them about me being too big for the normal chair. Its not the right size - period. That should be enough.

I see this happen all the time - why do I want to sit on an aisle -all the seats will fit me - well so I don't have to crawl over strangers to get to my seat - why do I not want to get on that ladder that says 200 lbs max ? duh???? cause I will brake it and fall to my death?

I know that others can take these silly little things for granted but I am always scanning and looking for potential problems that may arise from my size. Its sad really - it keeps me from doing things I love or participating fully - Im on my road but its slow and all these issues make me cry sometimes. 

Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

my new hair and other shit!


I now have a new hair colour (or color in the US). I love it -its just what I needed. Change is upon me. Im still here going along slowly but sure of my direction.

Im learning to not fight my band - it took me a year and a bit and now that Im over it and headed in the right direction but I am sick of people thinking I need their help - "you are not banded, its not about not eating a chocolate bar (F$#@ you really think is about wanting a chocolate bar don't you???) WOW - you have no clue. 

They are coming out of the woodwork lately and putting in their 2 cents like Im some lost cause that they can save from the food - especially my one friend -  F#@% OFF!!! 

This is MY journey - not yours - you DONT know what I need! I am the only one who knows what I need and I am the only one who can fulfill the need. You worry about you and I'll worry about me. Im sure it makes you feel off the hook since you have "tried to help me" and I refuse to take your help because "I dont know what I need" Since when are you me?

My journey is longer then many but so what - I have short legs and walk slower. My brain is so complicated with my crap that I must work through. So to all those " people who want to help"  all I have to say is... nothing... because you wouldn't listen anyway. To everyone else thanks for being there on that road to show me the path and understand that I was a little slow - I couldn't have gotten this far without your judgement and understanding ~ xo bloggies

Sunday, 9 June 2013

MWF seeks MOTIVATION....

...must be funny yet firm, like long sweaty walks and whining, bitching and moaning during them. Must also like chocolate and Charlie's Angels.


Today Im on a quest to find 1. a personal trainer  and 2. my motivation.

Is motivation like your mojo - can it just shrivel up and die? or have the years of weight gain, depression and self hate made it run for the hills?

Today is a sunny yet cold day and Im hoping to do some yard work (which I hate but I like the end result), find another personal trainer and try to reach into myself and pull out the last remnants of my former self.

I'll let you know how it goes!



Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Weigh in Wednesday

Today: 261.8
Last week: 265.8

Still not as low as I was when I originally lost but months of slider foods can do that to the scale. I am really surprised that Im losing with almost no fill in the band. Im hungry especially when work is stressful (head). I had wanted to do a mini pre op diet 1 week shakes but Im so busy and I remember how evil I was on shakes alone not to mention the headaches. So Im doing my fittness pal and trying to weight everything daily (except myself) and weigh in 1x per week and recommit to my blog.

Until next time...

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

The Personal Trainer


My meeting with the only personal trainer not attached to a gym in my area was insane. I figured when I spoke to her on the phone she was a bit 'organic' and was shocked that I had a band that she had no clue was even a possible weight loss option but when I got there she looked normal so I was happy about that. But then she started to talk and she talked about this healer that she knows and then gave me info on IRIDOLOGY???? Whats that? Well this lady she knows looks into your eyeball and can tell you about how healthy you are and what your allergic to and what your emotional blockages are etc. OK - so I'm sitting there on this really low cushion with my bad knee BTW thinking ok this is weird its been 15 minutes and she hasn't asked me anything about exercise - weird right? So I listen to her talk about eating healthy and no whites, no gluten, no this no that and I go into my shpeel about I have a band, I work with a team at my clinic that includes a dietician and a nurse whom I adore and they are taking care of my food input and I really just need help with the exercise portion of my journey because that is not my strong suit blah blah blah....  Well then she talks about exercise - She tells me she likes to workout outside when its nice - OK - She says that she doesn't use machines - OK (please note: that we covered all this information on the phone prior to me going to meet her for what I thought was my training assessment) Then her raw food chef housemate comes in... great a new thing to sell me. The raw chef goes on about how she cured herself of cancer by only eating raw unprocessed foods and about blue green algae - which like most of you I have used somewhere along my diet journey so I start saying again that I have a complicated relationship with food, that my band is sensitive and that it has taken a year to just figure how to eat with it and that Im NOT interested in dealing with my food that my nurse at the clinic and I have a good thing going and that I would like to just give the band a chance to do its job and not really learn a new way to eat etc etc... then raw food chef says that she could work with my clinic OMG NO! Then I go into I don't want to eat raw food I am fully aware of acidic food vs alkaline food and that I have an extensive knowledge of food from many years of a heavy duty eating disorder that had me eating 200 calories a day and lots blue green algae and doing every diet under the sun for over 15 years.... that I have made a life changing commitment when I had a plastic band put into my body and ALL I wanted was a personal trainer for EXERCISE. She said ok and gave me her card. So we are about an hour in at this point. ZERO personal training - no forms to fill out - no measurements taken - NOTHING. So personal trainer lady says that she just wants to help me and thats theres no pressure to use these other services - again OMG really? since I walked through the door it was selling this and that but not herself. So I wanted to give it a try since I exhausted the entire internet looking for someone like her and found only her and made a bunch of appointments because I went there for personal training and I wanted to come back for personal training but when I woke up this morning I felt bad I felt like I was being judged because I like processed foods and I get stuck on certain 'good' foods because I have a foreign object inside my body to aid weight loss and that she didnt hear my original request when I spoke to her for almost an hour on the phone telling her I have a band and that Im only looking for help with the exercise part of this very hard journey. Im not sure what I should do? My banded gut says no - this is going to be depressing but maybe Im afraid of the exercise? Maybe my fat girl protective shield went up automatically when they started attacking my beloved FOOD...  Maybe this is the missing piece and Ive avoided it all these years because its hard work and I dont really want it as bad as I say I do? The only thing that Ive never excelled at is exercise - I am clueless when it comes to exercise I am NOT motivated. I know I need the push from someone other than my family and friends - But I dont want to feel judged and bad that I am in this situation - I just wanted to burn calories and sweat.

Thursday, 30 May 2013

TTT a special day...

1. Today is my baby's 13th birthday - happy birthday I love you xoxoxo


2. I have been super committed to re-attacking my weight (today was a total exception mmmm cupcakes) on Saturday I made an appointment with a personal trainer - I have no idea what Im getting myself into - she seemed totally earthy and was saying you shouldn't eat sugar and flour etc... OMG - what have I done??? Im not gluten intolerant and I can barely eat bread unless its burnt and Im so not there for her to tell me what to eat it has taking me over a year of struggling to figure out this band Im not having anyone mess with my fine balance except the nurses at the clinic. BUT... Im going to my appt open minded and hoping she can help me exercise to the best of my fat burning potential.

3. I spent Monday doing back to back to back lap band talks and webinars. The dietician twice (Im not keen on the dietician) and part 2 of this excellent webinar about getting to know your band. Im in the band zone.

4. I have except today been measuring and tracking on my fitness pal. Making notes etc. It doesn't feel as bad as writing it down I promised myself I would do it until the end of June.

5. I read Banded in the Burgh's blog today and she totally made a great mantra for the now - It made me think about how much Im missing out on the positive self talk. Thanks Chris!

6. I have made a promise to complete 3 new goals that are easy and simple and not weight # related although I really want to lose weight. These will be done by Sunday.

7. I am measuring everything and really trying to get out of my food rut and try new things that I normally would not eat. I am making sure to bring a lunch every day I work - it helps since the girl I work with is broke. I hope this helps me keep on track. Please share any lunch ideas and if you share them I will promise to try them.

8. My husband is irritating. Is it only me? I wish he travelled for work. He makes everything so stressful. I asked him to give me a month of not cooking for him and the kids so I can fully focus on the band and me. I cant eat with them I can actually feel the band tighten up. I have begged him to help and he says "Sure! anything you need"... in man speak that means 'duh - I'll bring a pizza home when I think of it'. 

9. I am planning to do a semi version of the pre op diet for 1 week next week to see if I can and if I can kick start this new plan into high before the summer is upon me.

10. Off topic for the last one.... Last night I left my car keys on my husbands car hood and this morning he drove off with them sitting right there. F$#% who can see a giant (I mean giant - 20 keys -3 different keychains on an even bigger hook) set of keys sitting right in front of their face? So my kids found them this morning about a block away at the stop sign totally mangled. So I call Mazda and say hoe much for a new key? $300.00 WTF! That includes the 1 hour programming charge - it takes 1 hour to program my key? No but our minimum labour cost is 1 hour at $95... I throw up a little in my mouth and then start planning my child's future as a mechanic making $95/hr. So $300.00 gone because Im forgetful... nice!



Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Hiding

I cant even remember the last time I blogged which is sad. I have been struggling with my band for so long that I just hated all the complaining that I had been doing on my blog. I really thought this would be more simple.

I have had a big unfill and another barium swallow and it was lovely to be able to eat without throwing everything up but it wasnt lovely to know that my band was fine and that it was my fault that this is not working for me.

I have lost zero since my last blog. Im depressed and trying to figure out what to do from here. I was hoping it was the band... that would have been easy.

I know my coworkers and family are wondering what went wrong and I have been lying to them blaming my band because I dont want to deal with their advice.

I feel like Ive let me down and everyone around me. Im just working my way through - waiting for it all to click.

But for now Im reading your blogs when I can and trying to revamp my strategy.

Monday, 18 March 2013

When the going gets tough...

the tough have a freaking meltdown!


Ok - I am not proud of myself.

My band journey is a hike up an active volcano and I live in a place where it is so freaking cold and grey for sooooooo long that Im surprised that the suicide rate is not higher. But I have my moments of clarity and know what needs to be done and then I make a plan and I get to it....

Like on Saturday - I heard my spa/inn was opening memberships to the public 6am-11pm - pool, gym, infrared sauna, steam room private, free lockers, renovated showers... I thought.. how wonderful! - its a peaceful lovely place in the woods and the pool is warm and the infrared sauna will help me detox from all the sugar of the chocolate filled holidays plus I can go in the morning before the kids are even awake... 

So I go right away to sign up... I find out that the steam room is under construction (not a deal breaker) and the sauna can only be used after 8am - ok still works for me... Sign me up!!!

Now this morning I wake up bright and early to go start my new detox/exercise plan - 7:45am I arrive at the gym to find all the doors locked so I wonder around the building - its -11C and super windy BTW - I finally find someone and they give me the code - I wasn't told any code... Ok Im ok. The entire place is deserted - ok Its not 8am yet - fine.... I go to the change room which is right beside the pool and all the lockers are locked ??? ok am I supposed to take all my stuff to the pool deck with me?? So I find a phone and dial 0.. The inn operator answers and tells me to use the lockers at the gym - at the other end of the building - Am I suppose to walk from the lockers in my bathing suit to the pool and then back soaking wet to get my cloths? Well I guess so. Are you serious? Sorry
Ok now Im a bit agitated and its 8am and no one is there... I thought they open at 8am? So I go swim and figure I would see someone when Im done... I swim for 20 luxurious minutes and Im thinking about how great I will feel in that hot sauna...

Did I mention that I was drinking this gross detox concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup (dont get excited there wasnt enough in it to even taste it) and cayenne pepper - you know to help detox

So I leave the pool and I go into the change room and there is no one... what the hell - lockers are still locked and there isnt anyone in sight so I put my sweater on cause the tiny towels they have provide do not cover my fat self and I go looking for a human.. I find Joann... she will turn the sauna on for me - it will take 10 minutes - She informs me that she cannot unlock the lockers - they belong to the spa and they will not be in until 10am - ok Im not pleased with the situation but I will wait to try and salvage the morning... So I read emails and try and stay warm and then she comes back 15 minutes later and tells me the sauna is not working... OMG really... Im done now - Im going to shower and leave I look to make sure they have hairdryers because its -11C outside and -30 with the windchill... Now WHY would they have hairdryers ???? Because they used to? Because every spa on the F@#$%n planet has hairdryers???? No Hairdryers.... AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joann tells me they also belong to the spa and will be unlocked when the spa opens at 10am... so what are the real hours of the membership???  10am-5pm on most days... You've got to be kidding me!!!!!???
So Im mad now and I go home - wet and cold and really angry and upset that again my best intentions for weight loss have been thwarted! I cray the 10minutes home and call the spa in the afternoon to ask how the membership benefits match what I experienced today??? I found out that the sauna is broken and the hairdryers will still be locked up and I should speak to the manager who wasnt in. So I left a message and maybe I should have followed my hubby's 24hr rule but I lost my marbles on the voicemail so Im just wondering what will happen when she listens to it (akward ha ha!)

So that is that... I didn't binge - which I would have PB'ing and all but I didn't stick perfectly to my detox plan either so here I am without a plan anymore and more frustrated that when I started.

Thats my meltdown recap... thanks for reading...

Thursday, 7 March 2013

1 year banded...10 things about my year

not my cake but very cool (and a bit weird) that someone made a lap band/stomach cake

Happy Birthday LOLA!!!


On March 7th I was banded - I was scared and excited and had alot of hope for the future... fast forward a year later and Im alot more realistic about my journey and I now know what I can expect from my band. So in the spirit of 10 things Thursday here are the 10 things Ive learned this year.

1. Old habits are really really hard to change and the band is not magic - no matter how much I hoped it would be. The band will not stop me from emotional eating (it sometimes makes me want to eat) only I can stop me.

2. Most slider foods are really really fattening.

3. I wish I never told people that I got my band... They watch and judge and advise (my favourite) but they don't get it...

4. Even though I said I would never compare myself to other bandsters - I do.

5. This year has been a journey of very little weight loss but alot of learning.

6. With the band I don't go up with my weight when Im having a rough time - I just sit on hold and when Im ready I can always start again.

7. The band has really shown me what outside factors play with my emotions - situations that I never thought made me stressed out do... even if I dont look it or feel it - the band always knows and gets super tight.

8. Saggy skin bothers me more than I expected.

9. The learning will never stop. The band is always changing along with my shape - what works today might not work tomorrow - the best thing that I can do is to have a plan.

10. Blogging and meeting some of you in person is one of the best thing I've ever done for myself. ((((HUGS))))



Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Domino effect...

I live off the domino effect... In my work its a positive and gets me more sales, more contact, more "bums in seats" as they say. It unfortunately follows me in my daily life usually like a unwanted little brother dragging me down.
Valentines day celebrations began this domino effect. Chocolate, a nice dinner (with lots of butter) and more chocolate has lead to an obscene amount of potato chips, whoopie pies and wine.

I don't drink wine - I like my girly drinks but it takes a lot of effort to slap together a mojito so I don't drink. All my friends drink - they are those moms who come home and have a glass of wine -I always wanted to be those moms but I discovered that I'm a lightweight (that's funny cause I'm fat) and can only drink fruity whites instead of bold reds which would best suit my personality. I feel a bit ashamed I must say...

So there I was the day after valentines buying up $10 worth of British potato chips, a whoopie pie and 2 bottles of wine. What the hell?? I started my morning with a green smoothie and lunch with a cheese string and turkey slices.

Today has been a mess. Just trying to recover from the domino effect is enough to make a girl scream!!! Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to get those dominos back in the pattern that was working?

So off I go to spend my weekend picking up my dominos and my life. Until later xo

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Happy LOVE Thursday!



10 nouns I love....


KIDS

HUBBY

MOMMY 
Dad too but he's not photogenic

DOGGIE

 
BESTIES


CHOCOLATE & most food in general

SISTERS & their kids

MY NEIGHBOURS

MY BLOGGIES
& ME (last but at least on the list)



Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Accountability Starts Here... Wednesday Weigh In.




I want to restart this right - Im up and down on this band - eating too fast & too much. So I got my mini fill 0.1 cc on Monday and I've been tracking with My Fitness Pal and doing the accountability thing starting yesterday.

So it's Wednesday and I will weigh in...

257.2 lbs

I was lower then that but a birthday and many cupcakes got in the way so here I am again in the 250's. Please give me strength for Valentines day... maybe I wont leave the house!

Until tomorrow loveys! xo


Friday, 8 February 2013

Birthday Band... Shitty feelings ALERT!


Yesterday was my birthday - my 1st birthday with my band....



It has been a stressful 2 weeks with work and just general crap that I have been extra sensitive to but yesterday was my birthday - a day of relaxation a lazy day to open presents, have junky but safe food, etc... but somehow I managed to be stuck on scrambled eggs and bacon... WHY? on my birthday? I even waited until 10:30am and had a tea 1st...

WHY??????????????

I Pb'd my food on my birthday while I sobbed...

I dont get it???

Im so frustrated - I really cant figure it out sometimes. Im going along perfectly fine and I can eat this and I can eat that but when something is really important - dinner with friends or birthdays or holidays I'm F%#$en Pb'ing on even my safe foods in the middle of the street or at the Harry Potter theme park or even in my bathroom on my birthday.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

And my head is screaming - it says "Why am I being denied a nice birthday meal by this band?" Its so depressing when this happens and then I have to go on soft and liquids to make my band less sensitive and then Im starving even more. Im going in for a fill on Monday because I was already hungry....

Sometimes when I get like this I regret my decision and wish I had my money back in my pocket but I can't with any certainty know if I would be around to spend it - I would have surely hit 300lbs+ by now and I would have started some form of meds.

I wish I could just jump start this whole thing... I seem to get 10 steps forward and 12 steps back... Somethings got to give...

Maybe my older self will impart some wisdom in the next few days.... but in the meantime I will take any advise that you may want to share on how to get going again.




Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Understand YOUR band!



I have been banded for 10 months - 10 very hard months...
It has taken me this long to understand my band and understand all the details of how it works with me.

The best advice I have been given is... "Do not compare yourself to other bansters." Well this is hard to do because if you follow more than 1 blog like I do then Im sure you have favourites that you admire and wish you could do what they have done. It's human nature...

Well I have had a rough start with my band. Learning what foods I cannot eat (pork, potatoes, bread, sandwiches, shrimp, pad thai :( ..... ) and can eat (turkey slices, cheese and water) and what happens when Im sick and what happens to my band during my monthlies and how I need to change to meet the changes that I cannot see or feel until often its too late and Im running to the bathroom. I was internally beating myself up when I was not meeting my goals that were not really MY goals. The worst of my difficulties was my own fault as I had thought the emotional part of my head would automatically listen to the signals from my band - I did not think the band would be magic but I was really hoping... and when it did not - well that took me for a loop. I kept on testing it and testing it and I kept being disappointed. I really thought that my emotional eating would be curbed by my band - that the pain from being stuck would be an automatic shut down switch to my emotional eating but sadly no...

You see when you understand and learn your band as I have in the past 10 month you also understand how to cheat and get away with things... it felt good at first when it was only once in a while but then when I realized that Im just letting the emotional eater win - again.  Its like some evil Jekyll and Hyde with a dress living within me pushing my bad girl to eat that chocolate and adapt my food choices to get those emotional needs met in the exact same way that I did before my band but with slider foods because my crazy Jekyll and Hyde chick really does not like being stuck.

I was so emotional about the cheating, about the getting stuck, about the weight not moving that it was a vicious circle that needed to stop and my body stopped it with a scare that really brought perspective back to this journey.

The greatest thing about the band is that you can make adjustments to your journey and if you're having a rough time as I was you can always restart your journey where you left off. I know that without my band I would have gained all my weight back and then some when I went into emotional mode but now I am exactly where I left off - no gain - no loss and ready to move forward on a different path but towards the same goal.  Now that Ive gotten through that huge learning curve and am armed with a better understanding how my band works with me I can recognize when Im eating to stuff away my feelings and lying to myself and not rely on my band as I did to get me out of those situations and rely on myself to get the hell away from food.

Its funny... I thought I had all my ducks in a row when I started this journey - I thought I had researched enough and talked with everyone I could and I probably did but until you are in it you cannot know what it is like because everyones journey is different and everyones bands are different and although I love getting inspired by the bloggers I follow I now know that I cannot walk in their foot steps even though we may all be heading to the same place.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Out of the way! Turtle coming through...




During the holidays I am forced to visit many people that I would normally avoid from February-November. We tried to escape the mess of doing this by leaving the Country during the festive season but unfortunately it all caught up with me in the last few weeks including today.

As you may know I am a self pay bandster - I handed over my money - they took it and gave me a band. No drawn out insurance process, no psychological testing. A few blood tests and letter from my GP saying my BMI is "morbidly obese" and I have a band.

The clinic gave my a small pre op book, an even smaller post op book with rules that should be followed, the business card with the 16 year old dietician info on it and another business card with the nurses info and then sent me on my way to lose weight.

Now at the beginning I was unstoppable. I was going to lose 100 lbs by 1 year. I was going to ride the Harry Potter ride and fit in all those roller coaster seats ( I even booked our vacation with this in mind), I was going to do dirty things to my husband that have not been done since we were dating and I was ..., I was ..., I was ...., I was ....

You get what Im saying so we will skip ahead to today. I have lost 30 lbs - 1/2 of that was during pre op. I have cried about my decision, I have had insane pb episodes, I have been filled, unfilled and tested and refilled, I have cried more. I have read blogs about success, failure and everything in-between. I have been inspired, I have felt good about my decision and I have regretted my decision.

I am well aware of what is going on and the struggle I am having mentally and that on the outside I look virtually the same but I was hoping that others were not noticing this but during all my 'fun' holiday visits to see people who I mostly hold a special place for in my heart I have been subjected to...

1. I guess you're surgery didn't work? - this one hurt
2. Did you have your surgery yet? - they know I did
3. Are you sure they put that band thing in? - yes I was wondering the same for a while but I checked
4. You threw away all that money! - maybe I did?
and my personal favourite...
5. So when do they turn it on? - OMG!!! Im not explaining this anymore!

I find it funny that before I decided to take this journey I was hardened on the outside - other peoples comments would not phase me - I was who I was and if they didn't like it - I didn't care. I would get hurt when my kids friends would be mean to them because of my size but I was hurt for them not for me - I was a rock. Having the surgery changed all that. I feel so venerable to peoples stares like I have opened myself up to those years of laughter and all the old wounds again and it especially hit me hard  during this holiday time when I would visit and I guess everyone was expecting to see a thin me but they just got me...

I wish it didn't take me so long to get my head around having a band - but it has. I am facing the right direction I just need to stop falling down and get to my destination. I have no bad feelings for other bandsters success - Its actually the opposite -Im over here totally cheering - I just wish I could see that huge jump on the scale and feel that giddiness in my heart and be proud. I think I may be one of those slow turtle bandsters but Im ok with that too as long as I get to where I want to be.

So my Sunny Sunday for today is....







Sunday, 6 January 2013

Sunny Sundays!!!




Happy 6 days into 2013 everyone!

Now that I'm getting back on track with my life and my band, I plan to devote Sundays to a quick blog post that is inspirational - something to kick off the week in a positive way.

I can be a total downer and negativity producer (especially with my band) so I have decided to keep it light - to not be unkind to myself - to be honest with myself and to use the will power that I can use for other things on myself.

So here I go....

Inspiration of the week....

Do or do not. There is no try.

Happy week everyone!