Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Challenging Challenges!

This was the state of my kitchen a few hours ago. I have been participating in the BOOBS Challenge and Ive not had a good weekend. I know so many people who just go for it someone challenges them and they go into a phone booth and come out a super hero. I do not!

I like to be a part of stuff and I like to have a goal but Im a last minuter... come September I'll be losing like a mad woman but now Im just happy to show any loss at all.

Now all this is weird because in every other aspect of my life I am super competitive. Any non 'me' thing I will rule and kick ass. I would be they guy on survivor stealing the other team's stuff.

Drazil sent out some challenges for the weekend and I did not do them until today... This is why my kitchen looks like this. I felt bad that I didn't do them because I wanted to be again I didn't put me 1st so I left my nightmare of a kitchen and I did 50 sit-up & 50 jumping jacks and some other stuff but it was in the pool and I really wanted to challenge myself and give up the sugar for one day but I did not.

So after coming in from the pool the crazy mess of a kitchen (which btw produced banana bread, homemade meatballs, sauce, pancakes, and spaghetti) was still waiting for me and I was able to still clean it before hubby got home.

I just haven't been able to get in that mind frame - I don't know where it went or if Im to tired to look for it or what.? MOTIVATION or the ability to push past the way I feel just isn't there.

I was looking at past blog posts where I set goals and I did some but didn't do the others.

Today I tracked where my weight should be based on my original plan of losing 1 lb. per week with my band - I was planning to be almost at onederland by my 1 year anniversary. Im like 7lbs behind. - it made me sad but it didn't set off a spark.

My husband would lose his shit if the band that we used our life savings to pay for did not do what he Im sure is dreaming that it will do.

Ive got to say Im a bit shocked really that Im not further along. Doing this challenge has really opened my eyes to this journey and what is still going into my mouth. I am positive that I am eating alot less than before but maybe it just seems that way???

I have also been weighing myself every day. I hope this will help. We will see if I show some sort of loss tomorrow and then I get to start fresh for week 3 maybe something will light my fire... LOL Maybe I should read 50 shades of Grey?

Oh I almost forgot why I posted the crazy photo of my kitchen...

Thursday, 26 July 2012

10 things for you!

1. So I have been away for a pretty great holiday. But I am overwhelmed now that Im home - things are still unpacked and I can't find my favourite shrug (I hate when things go missing) etc... So today is a get shit done and clean and organize day for me... starting with my blog.

2. Im doing my BOOBS challenge and its super hard to get back on track after indulging sooooooo much on holiday. But yesterday I weighed in at 258.8 and went down 2lbs. from my post holiday weight in only 2 days. YEAH! So even though these women frighten me with their email trash talk and evil online stares (please don't hurt me) Im planning to kick some ass on this thing.

3. Got 0.1cc of a fill on Tuesday and I promised myself that I will be a total rule follower (so not me). I didn't eat 2 hours before and I only had liquids afterwards and then I had some fish for dinner. I was so head hungry doing this cause I had just been on holiday and threw all out the window. I can't even remember whats in my band anymore. Im not getting another fill until after BOOBS.

4. On Wednesday I started yet again tracking what I eat - Thank You My fitness Pal! I measured everything and wrote it all down. I know Ive said it before - I HATE LOGGING FOOD. It reminds me of every diet Ive ever been on.

5. I started daily weigh ins - This was my previous MO years ago when I was right in my eating disorder and I would weigh in everyday and basically set my self worth based on the scale #'s. But this time its very different - I NEED to lose weight and seeing the scale go in the right or wrong direction is no longer connected to who I am or what Im worth. I really think that checking my weight on the scale daily will keep me accountable. Im the great accountability avoider when it comes to my weight so maybe I need to have it stare me in the face every morning. I like Lap Band Gals thinking to weigh in daily but only count 1 day as your official weigh in. Being on the BOOBS challenge makes this Wednesday for me. Thanks BOOBS Challenge!

6. Numer 6 is a bit intense and not directly weight related... I am adopted and I met my birth family 12 years ago - Mom, Dad, 4 sisters - the whole bunch of them. The whole meeting and relationship with them has been quite the emotional ride. I can totally tell how ashamed my birth moms side of the family is cause Im fat. At first they kept me a secret from family members, then in 2008 they started introducing me. Now they have cut me off from events - I guess they don't like that Im honest and have a often broken filter. I find this rich since my one sister is a drug addict and really has no shame or filter but she's thin and beautiful so I guess thats ok??? Anyways - when I returned from my holiday I found out yet again I was not invited to a family event (this one is really close family) so I was again feeling hurt and like shit so I decided to just put a stop to it all. I have sent an email to my siblings and a letter to my birth mom saying that I don't want to be a part of their family anymore and that they are basically off the hook from trying to hide plans that I was not included in. Im so tired of feeling sad when they do this. I will completely miss them and I have nephews and a niece that I adore that I will miss too. I really hope that we can find some balance so we can keep in touch later but I think for now this is the way to go - I have my own screwed up family and I was soooo better off being adopted. If the only bad thing I am is being fat then I think Ive done really well in my life. I find my hard shell that I used to have always has thinned out a bit in my old age but hopefully some weight loss and calcium will fix that.

7.  Ive been looking into water pilates and I found these videos and classes (from Chicago BTW BOOBS people) so I totally want to get them to do in my new swim spa that I can't use since it's finally raining here.

8. Ive decided to grow my hair long - this is my new midlife crisis move. Right now my hair resembles Gene Simmons unless I straighten it. so maybe some length and a new cut will bring back some life to my scary hair.

9. My oldest son is going to camp on Sunday for 2 weeks WOOOOO HOOOO!!!! I do love him but I sooo need a break from all the tween attitude and boy in puberty BO. I get to spend some alone time with my youngest who won't be so young in another year. I can already see the changes in him and he's defiantly leaving his cute baby days behind :(

10. I will leave this all over the place 10 things Thursday on a positive note... I hope you all are enjoying your lives and stopping to take a breath while on this weight loss journey. We are all sooo worthy of a good life where we can move and do whatever our hearts desire. I spent years afraid of WLS but Im so happy I did it when I did and Im so grateful and feel blessed to have my bloggy friends.
Love you all - supper good thoughts and don't forget to drink your water!!!!

Sunday, 22 July 2012

BOOBS CHALLENGE!!! Ready... Set... GO!!!!!

Ok - here I am officially beginning on Day 66...

The scales are not kind to me and I have GAINED ALOT on holiday...

Here is my OFFICIAL Weigh In...
It reads 260.8 lbs. :( almost pre surgery weight

and my official start photo
trying to get a little witchy help...

Will be looking forward to this weeks personal trainer comment until then Ive got my water!

Friday, 20 July 2012

Im alive but still on Vacation...

Ok Im still here but have been on vacation for a week now - we left a day early and extended our stay a day. Boston & Salem are excellent and we are having fun - except for the vomit watching... I mean Whale Watching. July 19, 2012 at 8:30am - 1:00pm I took my last boat ride EVER in my entire life NEVER ever ever again!!!!! That was the worst ever experience of my life.

 I have started the very popular travel diet of Ice Cream  (there is a ton of ice cream shoppes here) and Clam chowder. Im sooo ready for my BOOBS challenge - LOL....

Here are 2 photos I took at the mall on Wednesday with various scales because I really wanted to get going with the rest of the gals in the challenge - but heres what I found...

Scale #1 @ Target = 268lbs = 12 lbs. weight gain since I left Canada

Scale # 2 @ Brookstone = 259.9lbs = 7lbs. weight gain since I left Canada - a bit more believable (like my walking all over Boston in crazy heat blister bandaids?)

Sooo I will be weighing in on Monday when I return home and weigh in on my own scale. Im very excited to be a part of this but Im not too happy to be starting out in the higher numbers and late in the game. 

So I will write more when I get home... Until then... Good Luck to my fellow BOOBS or Bust challengers - drink your water !!!!

Sunday, 15 July 2012

On Holiday!!!!

We stared our holiday a day early - today!!! I love that in old age I can go with the flow alot better then before.

We headed to Cooperstown NY from Orangeville Ontario a crazy 6.5 hr drive. It was alot of fun for hubby and need in a good note even thought my kids were driving us nuts.

Heading to Boston/Salem tomorrow and spending the week there... Just in time for my BOOBS challenge.

Even though Im on vacation I will be in touch on Wednesday to log and weigh in!!!!

Im sure that my holiday meals will not help me get to a great start but I will catch up when I get home.

Write more on Wednesday!!!

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

something special...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. “What food might this contain?” the mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. 

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.”

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The pig sympathised, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.”

The mouse turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.”

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. 

The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. 

The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. 

But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbours came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. 

The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. 

We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Remember: Each one of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry; our lives our woven together for a reason.

This story was given to me by one of my dearest friends mom when I was getting ready to take this journey. I have been on a very bumpy road so far but I am GRATEFUL for all of you that care enough to follow me and comment and email and be a part of this with me. Sending you all cyber hugs (((()))))

p.s. That said... I will not hesitate to kick all of your butts on the BOOBS Challenge!!!! 

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Protein Shakes... Really?

Ok I'm calling on all you US gals out there who stil use protein shakes.... Which one doesn't taste like crap! I never thought I'd say this after my pre-op diet but I need to add some shakes to my daily routine and get some good weight loss happening here. In Canada they don't have a lot of options that taste yummy. But in the US you have a river fully of yummy options so I beg you to tell me your favorite Protein Shakes by name and flavour so on my trip to Boston I can hunt for them to bring home. I thank you in advance. <3

Friday, 6 July 2012

I must do a 'Friday Letter'

Dear Crazy Stocker Lady 3 houses down... Why are there pictures of my swim spa being delivered on your Facebook? I didn't even see you outside...were you hiding in your mini cooper? I don't want to be your facebook friend and putting creepy stocker photos of MY Business on your page will not make me go there. I don't even enjoy our 2 minute sidewalk conversations at the mailbox and don't think I don't see your husband making your dog pee on my neighbours lawn every chance he gets.

Dear Passive aggressive retired teacher boss that receives a BIG pension and is stupid wealthy.... You NEED to RETIRE!!! for real this time. I am starting to hate you. I hate that you can have your friends daughter work for us, and your son 'help out' and your husband company make all our office furniture but I can't ask for good seating for my son's school because that is 'favouritism'. WTF? I hate that either you are suffering from Alzheimer's or just batsh*t crazy and you ask me to do something and when I start the ball rolling you always want to hand it to someone else to finish and give them the credit - FU%$ YOU!!!!!! I hate that you think that rainbows come out of that incompetent girls ass cause she's your friend daughter. And all in all I hate your lack of leadership skills and lack of any backbone whatsoever! Time to take your huge pension, your hubbies millions and your crazy self out of the work force and give your job to someone who knows how to use the Internet and needs the money.

Dear in laws... Please make your visit fast and painless. Please don't ask me 1,000,000 questions about my band or stare at me when I eat or make comments if I eat a chip or chocolate because my band IS NOT MAGIC and I am sure I will need either heroin or chocolate to deal with you for 3 days. 

Dear Swim Spa Installer... The statement "it will look the same as it did before" means that MY HOME WILL LOOK THE SAME AS IT DID BEFORE but with the addition of a swim spa!!!!!! It looks like crap. It looks like gofers are living under my grass and have a pipeline to my neighbours. My once beautiful walkway that I share with my next-door neighbours whom I love was an oasis of plants, river rock and flagstone pavers but is full of SH*T potato rocks, dead plant and misshapen flagstones. You wrecked it now fix it!!!! 

Dear Erika... I miss you!

Dear Band... Im trying and will get into a consistent groove. I did not waste this money to fail. Im hard to train please give me time and be kind to my pouch.

Dear children that I wish went mine sometimes... PUT AWAY YOUR STUFF!!!! 

Dear Bloggers.... Thank you for reading this! Happy weekend!!!