Thursday, 20 September 2012

Ten Things at Midnight....

Starting something and not finishing it has been the theme of the past 2 weeks... Ive have written alot of posts but have never finished them so I promised I would do a TTT this week... even if its Friday here already... I at least still have a few hours on AZ time.

1. The past couple of weeks has been a ride with my band... it all started with getting sick and going on antibiotics... well did you know that antibiotics can make your stomach swell??? Well - yes they can - the stronger the more likely. So after my 5 day course of antibiotics I was tight tight tight, stressed out and stuck on everything. Pb'ing pretty much every time I tried to eat a protein that was solid.

2. Then came the crying boy home from school. My 12 yr old has a hard time - the kid he thought was his friend made fun of him and called him jelly belly and told him at least he's 1000lbs thinner than his mom aka me... It thought having boys would keep them from caring about their bodies like girls but this is not the case... He has been not eating and tells me he's fat. I am so sad that I am so big that he gets made fun of because of me - I have done everything in my power to not give pass along the 1 thing I hate the most - being fat.

3. On Tuesday - my only day off this week - I had a HUGE unfill .5cc - my band is now at 4.0 and Im a bit freaked out... I ate a sandwich at a luncheon today and didnt worry about being stuck even though I chewed like crazy and took apart my food like I normally would I knew the unfill would work no more being stuck, no pb'ing.  On one hand Im so happy but on the other Im scared that the weight will go up up up...

4. Ive had such a tough journey with my band - Im learning slowly but its frustrating being super sensitive to it - antibiotics make me tight - stress make me tight - if the wind is blowing to much - Im tight - I need to be uber aware of what it going on beyond my food.

5. It's less than a week away till my 1st BOOB's - Im really excited and Ive been boobifying myself with a purple pedicure (Funky Dunky OPI ), removal of all facial hair (LOL) and today - hair colour. I havent pampered myself so much since my wedding. It's so exciting...

Ok - I think I'll have to stick to my unfinished business theme and end this blog at 5 and on a high note...

Friday, 7 September 2012

LOLA is 6 months old...

Im here on my new blog and this is my 1st post on it. The old blogs name didnt match the journey on on now so Im happier with the new one - it suits me more -even though Ive lost all but 3 followers....

Today is special - Im 6 months banded today and I have had lots of ups and downs on this crazy crazy journey...

I thought that it would be easy - make this huge medical and financial commitment and I would be melting the weight off my body because how on earth could I not....???? Wouldn't $16,000 and surgery make my brain think - shit she's serious we should help her do this... We'll I was wrong wrong wrong - so very very wrong - my brain was the same as always and I gave my band more responsibility than it could live up to. Im sorry LOLA...

This is what I have learned so far....

  • Spending money and having surgery does not cure emotional eating
  • Bandster hell is a horrible emotional and physical ride that is unavoidable in some form or another.
  • My band is not the boss of my brain 
  • Sometime my will power is weak
  • Everyones sweet spot is DIFFERENT
  • The sweet spot changes
  • Non bandsters cannot eat like I NEED to eat no matter how much they try
  • My parents dont get it - so stop trying to explain 
  • Trying to act like I dont have a band while eating with others is stupid
  • Watch the 1st bite - it gets me stuck 97% of the time
  • I will binge sometimes - let it go - don't let it consume you
  • Not everyone slimes
  • Sliming means Ive gone too far
  • PB'ing is awful
  • I MUST learn from my mistakes
  • Ask for help when you need it - someone will answer
  • Sometimes the giant potholes in the road test you to your limit
  • Its ok to cry
  • Its ok to medicate
  • People assume Im weak cause I have the band - but I am not
  • It is a hard ride
  • I CAN eat around my band - but choose not to - most of the time
  • Tracking my food helps - I hate it but its true
  • Im not good at keeping my eye on my goals
  • Weighing yourself everyday provides prospective
  • Other people have strange and unrealistic goals for me now that Im banded
  • I must stay in contact with my clinic 
  • Blogging helps get the emotional stuff out
  • Other bandsters get it
  • I can do this even if Im slow out of the gate
Thats not everything Im sure but the really important stuff so far.

My highest weight 284 lbs
My weight today 254 lbs.
Total Loss 30lbs in 6 months.

I made a list when I started this and here's what Ive checked off so far...

  1. Sit on the floor with the kids
  2. Get stuff from upstairs (instead of sending the kids)
  3. Pick up something from the floor - there has been a green highlighter under my desk at work for 2 months (the cleaners don't seem to clean there) and for the life of me I cannot get down there to get it so I pretend not to know its there but its driving me crazy!
  4. Ride a bike
  5. Dance - not professionally just for fun
  6. Clean my house in 1 day instead of in parts because I get to tired
  7. Buy sale cloths that are $5 not $39.99
  8. Buy cloths where I want
  9. Get a bikini wax
  10. Paint my own toes
  11. Wear shoes I have to do up
  12. Wear cute shoes - there are so many in my closet that I haven't seen in ages  1 pair out so far
  13. Go see a baseball game with my kids - Ive been too afraid I can't fit in the seats
  14. Take my kids to Canada's Wonderland - again can't fit on the rides
  15. Wear the seatbelt in my sisters car - really important - who makes a seatbelt that short? 
  16. Wear a bathing suit
  17. Take a bath
  18. Wear a regular robe at the spa on my birthday-wont they be shocked!
  19. Do up my winter coat
  20. Wear my winter coat when winter begins instead of my wrap or sweater (trying to delay the wearing of my winter coat that does NOT do up anymore)
  21. Play
  22. Fit in a booth at the restaurant
  23. Take the dog for a daily walk
  24. Buy jeans - I don't know if I'll even like jeans since I only wear dresses and skirts but I would like the option to buy them if I want to.
  25. Ask for a doggie bag
  26. Sit cross legged
  27. Go up the stairs without holding on
  28. Sit on my hubby's lap
  29. Have my mom see me thin - she's 86
  30. Get on a horse again 
  31. Carry my son to bed - I cant add his weight to mine it's too much This wont happen even If I reach goal as he is growing like a weed.
  32. Walk barefoot - ahhhh!!!!
  33. Go for a walk to the waterfall with my kids - I have never seen it its been too far for me to walk
  34. Travel
  35. Post a full length photo of me on Facebook
  36. Sit in an airplane seat in economy
  37. Wear pants
  38. Buy some lingerie
  39. Take a 'mom not hiding behind a kid and a dog' family photo
  40. Cry about something other than being fat
  41. Meet me again

Not too bad for a bumpy 6 months. I hope the next 6 months will be a bit more calm...