Swim Spa is here!!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!! My swim spa is here and I got a short work out in today. I hope the extra work outs will get the scale numbers going down.

Calling all Massachusetts Bandsters!!!

Hey there all you banisters out East -I'm heading your way for a family vacation and I'm looking for some down home help... What to do & see - not as a tourist but something cool and interesting - its my 5th time going to you're awesome State but hubby and the kids 1st -they already have Fenway tickets and I will shop or do my own thing. We're staying in Salem (cause my friend lives there and witches are cool) but she is kidless and she gave me a list of places to party when I asked for stuff to do. So any boy child friendly fun ages 12&7 suggestions would be terrific. Also trying to do a different 'Cape' other than Cape Cod -whale watching etc. Plus if any of you are in the vicinity I would love to meet you for tea (since its Boston lol!) I thank you in advance!!!

Wanna See My Big Hole?

This will be the spot of my very own swim spa.... soon... I hope?

My 1st Real BIG NSV

I'm going along my bumpy road but even though my scale numbers are not moving the way I wish they were I am seeing the difference and even feeling the difference...

I just had TOM visit and got out my big girl comfy panties and I couldn't keep them up!!! I have lost enough weight that they are my super big girl panties AND my regular panties are comfy and I can't wait for them to be my big girl TOM panties one day...

Some of my tops are feeling really big and instead of pulling my skirts over my head I am now able to pull them up and over my belly - like normal people! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

So having the clothing feel looser really helps with my attitude and I can't wait to see what the next 15lbs. will feel like.

I'm an Open Book

In my quest to be 100% truthful with myself - I was a cheater on fitness pal and I didn't log in the gelato or rum watermelon drink that happened after dinner.

What do you do when you have company who doesn't know you're banded????

Thank goodness that I got that unfill or I would have been barfing again when one of my hubby's family members came and then there would have been some talking...

I did however measure all my food for the day and write down exactly what time I ate and Im super starving after 2.5 hours 9am - 11:30 11:30-3:00pm - I ran out of food after 11:30 and I was SOOOO hungry by 3:00 - snack and dinner and drinks went better and rum + anti depressant = sleep like a baby time...

Im on track this am although planning on drinking again this evening but I am food planning enough so I can fool my guest into thinking Im eating normally.

I woke up this am and I was so swollen -maybe from the booze?? Im not a big drinker - only for fun - but I think Id be a nicer mom if I was LOL!!!

So here I am blogging my ups and downs cause I know you're watching so I am going to stop hiding...

Getting my A*@ Kicked!!!!

I want to say Thank you and 'F' off to my conscience Gilly who totally went G.I. Gill on me yesterday and made me stop and think and also gave me some serious orders to stop F'ing around and get on top of my goals and work with my band...

Im listening my loveface!!! (and not just because Im afraid of you since you can dispose of a body rather quickly and without a trace)

• I have measured all my meals for today all at 1 cup portions or 3oz protein portions and will make an effort to do so all weekend
• I have logged onto my fitness pal and added in my breakfast
• I have set up a new mini goal tracker for 15 lbs.

Its funny - I was sooooooooo motivated at the beginning and Ive lost weight 30 lbs. in total - which has never been done in at least 10 years - even with my stuck/pb'ing I lost weight and I am eating ALOT less than I ever was before but Im not feeling that super high that I used to get when I lost some weight.

Life has been a roller coaster ride through a house of horrors over here and my gravol has warn off.

So here I am on a beautiful day being told what to do and Im actually liking it - maybe that's why the 10 steps work cause you're being told what to do...hmmm...now if someone can give me the rest of the plan I can get on with being happy!!!

So again I thank Gilly my loveface lap band guardian angel and fellow CDN chick and invite the rest of you to also tell me what to do... hey it might have be the answer all along.... ????.... stranger things have happened?!

Have a great weekend!!!

De- fill is done

We'll it's done. My defill - 0.2cc's taken out. We'll see how I feel now. I've got to say I was feeling like I'd failed having to get a defill then she said I'd lost 2 lbs despite eating a diet of soup & ice cream when I wasn't bringing up my regular food. I think I'll be happier and a lot less stressed out learning how to live with my band without being stuck and sick all the time. I'm soooo happy that I didn't do the bypass surgery - it would have been a mental disaster. We're heading to Boston in a month and I really didn't want to tell my friend about the band so I hope I'm fine now that I've got the adjustment. So I can pretend I'm eating regularly at least when we're together or maybe we'll just drink ;P I was also called a shopaholic by my neighbour which I find funny since I hate shopping but I really have been doing an awful lot of it lately - not clothing but stuff - OMG maybe I would totally be a shopaholic if I was thin???I dont think hubby's bank account can handle it. LOL!! Tomorrow my oldest son will sing at the Blue Jays game with his school - I'm going -I thought I'd be thinner by now but I'm still smaller than I was so I'm going. This is his last year doing this and I've never gone. I hope it's not too hot and that I'm not sitting with the annoying moms (which is 90% of them) LOL - but really -I'm serious - a bunch of skinny gossipy women who have a lot of money and way too much time on their hands and volunteer so they have more stuff to gossip about. Until later :)

De-fill time for sure!!!

Something has gone wrong - I feel like the girl who cried wolf... I was supposed to get a defill last week but I was doing fine since I called in a panic - 3 days not stuck - no pb'ing - so I called my clinc on my appt day and said I had been great since I spoke to them and made the appt. so we chalked it up to the food I ate and not being extra careful and some swelling after the 1st pb etc. so we decided to keep my band at what it was and come for my regular appt. in 2 weeks. Well not a day went by after I cancelled my appt. where I wasn't stuck and bringing up my food and it was awful. So I was careful after but for days I was stuck and bringing it all up so on Friday I called again and don't you know it all weekend and today I was fine. I think it's my fat screwing with me cause it doesn't like the band?..anyways I'm going in to take a bit out and give me some relief since I having been losing even though Ive been sick all the time. I was doing much better after my 1st fill 4.3cc's but maybe I was too excited to see the weight come off that I didn't listen to my body after the second fill 4.6cc's - HA! I even doubted that she put any in since I could feel the first fill but not the second. God only 4.6cc's and Im dying over here!!! I seriously thought i would be at 8 or 9 cc's to not feel hungry and get this show on the road - im quite surprised. Well I hope this gets me back to being able to eat my food and lose the weight. I'm feeling a bit discouraged since I'm at a stand still so early with my band. I hope that I haven't caused any damage? I'm really afraid of that and I so don't want surgery again to fix anything. Ok tomorrow is a fresh start and I'm going to try and log all my food even though I HATE doing it. Here I go - new part of this journey!

TTT on a diet

OK it's TTT on a diet

1. No one has been commenting on my blog lately so the insecure fat girl in me though that Ive offended someone or that I was being too needy or that really nobody likes my blog or me. So I sent and email to my girly Gilly and she found the problem I BLOCKED ALL MY READERS!!!!! IM AN IDIOT!!!!! So everyone is unblocked and all is well unless even now none reads my blog.

2. I was trying to block people from reading my blog who are not followers like my boss etc. My fill nurse knew about my blog - how did she know? I don't mind so much but it really takes away rom my freedom here knowing I'm being watched. But in trying to block out them I blocked everyone - so sorry!

3. I never got my unfill - we decided that it would fix itself. I have only been stuck once this week and it is always when Im in stressful situations so I am vowing to be careful where I take my meals and I will prepare them beforehand so I am ready for anything.

4. Ive been trying to do my goal list - Ive done most of them but Ive added logging in fitness pal.

5. Were getting our very own swim spa...

A 14ft mini pool/hot tub to go outside of our new deck... It won't be sunk in like here - just half sunk so its easy to get into. And we can use it in the winter.

6. Ive been struggling with my food and my head hunger and being stuck alot and I think that Ive actually gained but Im afraid to get on the scale so Im waiting for my fill (that won't be a fill) appointment to actually see.

7. Ive been so unmotivated with work - I hate the cloak and dagger hiding stuff - jobs not being posted within the organization first. Some people soooo need to retire ASAP.

8. My little one is here and wants to cuddle. Yeah Love that... see you all later and please send your comments... I miss you all!

Getting an un-fill tomorrow...

Ok Im admitting it... Im dying over here since my last fill. Im only at 4.6cc's and Ive been PBing pretty much daily which is starting to scare me a bit. I got a very conservative fill of .3cc's on May 17th and spent the long weekend pbing - I thought it was because I was eating food that Ive never tried with my band - steak, shrimp, potato salad etc. but it has continued on and off with things that Ive eaten before. I was hungry before my fill and was still losing steady but now Im eating alot of soup because I'm afraid of getting stuck, sliming and then bringing everything right back up and doing some serious damage and now Ive gained a few lbs back and Ive paid $16,000 to basically have bulimia.

So Ive scheduled an until but now Im panicking in the other direction that if I unfill will they not want to refill later? Ive been good the last few days and haven't pb'd so Im going to go in and talk with them or call before I make the long drive to the clinic cause Im not so convinced that I need the unfill anymore... Its like the car that makes the noise until you go to the mechanic... I'll keep you posted.