Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Have I killed my mojo?

You would think that being only 8 weeks banded that I would be on a high and going strong measuring everything, chewing 20x+ and going strong. 

But Sadly No!

Ever since my surgery my life seems to be in perpetual chaos and I can't get my groove back. 

My bathroom reno was started right before surgery but due to many Many MANY set back it is only 90% complete to date and we are now discussing removing one of the walls cause it looks like crap...

I slept sitting up on my couch away from my hubby and bed for far too long after surgery and it took a very long time to heal these scars - they still look a little questionable.

Im having a very hard time learning how to eat with this new band - I had a few PB's and they were gross and violent and Im always paranoid that Ive moved my band.

My washing machine broke - we bought a new one. $$$$

My fridge broke and we fixed the fan $$$

I can't find enough time in the day to catch up - being home after surgery and doing a bathroom reno has made me lose precious hours and I can't seem to get things organized - my meal plans - stuff to take to work - the kids summer cloths - my hubby's lunches the list is giant...

My father had a stroke (don't worry it was mild and he's ok) but he did not tell me until 12 days after it happened. Then I have to drop everything to go see him and that is always a disaster - I PB'd at their house and could over hear the super loud whispers of old people - that I was falling apart and how could I help them and that Im still fat and now on top of it Im throwing up in their bathroom - what kind of surgery was this???

My oldest son has Aspergers and is in puberty and likes girls - I won't even say more...

The office manager at my work made me cry because she treats me like a child and I think she thinks Im stupid - my boss is passive aggressive and gave me advice to not let her bully me and to talk with her about the problem and that she will stand by me - so I email Office manager lady on Friday to meet on Monday and then on Monday my boss says maybe I should just leave it alone - WTF????

My work is busy and crazy and there are not enough hours in the day to do what I need to do and since my surgery I know that everyone is watching me trying to figure out if Im losing weight or saying things like "I can tell you're thinner" or "your face looks thinner" or the bold ones say "so how much have you lost"? I feel like I need to come up with some great answer but I just quietly hate them...

Ive now come down with a nasty gastric bug since Wednesday - the one that allows you to drop lots of weight because you have a fever of 102-104 and anything you put in your mouth feels like an alien in your belly and then rocket launches out of your bum 45 seconds later.

I feel awful - Imodium is not working - Nothing is working to solidify the situation. And on top of it all Ive gotten sick at THE most busy time of the season at my work. Work is crazy now for a healthy, 120lb, 25 year old but for a recently banded, 250+lb, 40 year old sick person it is HELL!!!

Oh yeah my fridge broke again during my fever so no one noticed and I had to throw out over $100 worth of food and pay again to fix it :(

So thats where Im at now - bloated - trying to eat cause Im hungry and my tummy is rumbling but being afraid to since everything I put in my mouth gives me a belly ache and bloating and the runs...

Now Im paranoid that maybe its the band? Cause every time I've called my Dr's office I get the bitchy nurse who dismisses everything as 'fine' Is my band eroding into my stomach? No? How do you know? Are you psychic? Is there something else wrong? Could the band be infected? Really a red spot on my belly is the ONLY sign of this??? Not my 103.5 fever for several days? WOW - you're so great!!! Im glad I called!!!

BTW I called again yesterday & today and no one called back - They've got me on the 'crazy patient' list - so when I call them again tomorrow the conversation will go something like... When someone pays you $16,000.00 for a medical procedure in Canada you better provide wicked ass customer service - fuck for that money the Dr. should have fondled me at least once... I want to come in and SEE the Dr. and then I want to go to the hospital with a requisition for a floroscope so we can take a fucken look see at my band and make sure everything is 'fine' - even though Im sure you employ the greatest psychic in world and what she says is never wrong - I would like a machine and a Doctors opinion!!!! And then as I leave the appointment I would like your to ask Dr. Cobourn to whistle as I leave the room!

We'll see how far that gets me - or maybe I go with my husbands approach - Could I PLEASE come in  to see the Dr.? It would make me feel better.

So whats a girl to do? Is this a Karma thing? Was I mean to people? (probably)
When does it end? When can I just sit back and be with my band and figure this whole new life out?

I want to cry - actually I did several times while I shivered in my bathroom at 12:00am, 3:30am, 4:00am, 4:15am and 5:00am.

The only upside is that I can blog again - I was so sick I couldn't even read the screen - I have catch up on all of your posts. Good reading for the bathroom where I have now moved into (no not the new one).

Im happy to be back.


  1. I think you need to see your GP because you have some sort of bug. Usually food poisoning, flu gets better after a few days. I don't think it could be band related unless you are having lots of pain in your stomach. The red spot on you scar does not sound good so maybe your doc would want you on some antibiotics. I feel so bad for you and am sorry all this shit is hitting the fan. See your local doc and keep phoning SWLC for an appt.

  2. OMG! First...breathe. Second...breathe some more. OK...so you definitely have some kind of bug...I don't think it's band related as that's usually in the vomiting arena, not the diarrhea arena. However, if your scar looks wonky (I swear that's a word), get in to see your lapband doc. If it would make you feel better, make an appointment with him anyway. They can't REFUSE to see you...especially if you just show up and wait. As for work and home repairs...that just sucks. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Try to remember that 3 months from now, it'll all be a distant memory. As to people who say things like "you look thinner" and stuff like that, I always responded with "Thanks. I'm working on it," and leave it at that. Those who are rude enough to ask how much you've lost, tell them "Well, I'm not at goal yet. haha! But I'm working on it." That usually shuts them up. Hang in there sweetie! I hope you feel better soon. ((HUGS))

  3. Sorry you are having a rough time. I hope things bet better for you soon. I agree you should demand an appointment. This is your body and your life, and you deserve to get some reassurance that nothing is wrong.

  4. Ugh - I hope they call you back or see you. I hate nurses that don't give a damn. So annoying.

  5. Geez, you really have a lot of BS going on. I am sorry that you have to shovel through all the mess. I hope that you feel better soon.

  6. I am behind on my reading- I have not been in a good space either.
    Are you better yet? Did you see the doctor? Did you find you mojo?


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