The week leading up to Easter was awful - everything that I wanted to do never got done. It reminded me of a book that I used to read my kids called "Grover's Bad Awful Day" where his whole day was awful and his mommy fixed it. Well my mommy doesn't fix stuff she is nuts on the good days and crazy on the bad ones...
So it all started with work - I totally forgot what day it was - I had a big group coming in that day and I had lost track of an entire WEEK - that looks great on me in my bosses eyes. I did get through it and I apologized alot.
Then on Saturday I went to see my parents - I could hear them whispering in the other room that 'I was still FAT and maybe the surgery didn't work or maybe I never had the surgery and just took their money'
So I marched into the other room showed them my giant healing super slow scars and told them that I lost 24 lbs.. I hate them sometimes especially my father - he is the reason that I started my eating disorder at 13 and kept gaining weight to spite him - too bad I was already too heavy before I realized it was hurting myself too and that he didn't really care.
After that episode I spiralled - eating chocolate, chips etc. anything to make me numb. I thought I was doing well - but nothing like my parents to make me feel all the self hate I carry.
Then my internet was down for 2 days so I couldn't blog about my day or my 1 month with the band which was totally overshadowed by the events of Easter...
Sunday Easter dinner and my hubby's divorced friend came over for Easter supper (I have never met him before & he doesn't know about my surgery) My husband said that I should just use a regular plate and just make it look like I'm eating the same.
BAD IDEA... SUPER DUPER BAD IDEA!!!!!!
Within 5 minutes I wanted to die... I was stuck and stuck like never before. I went to the bathroom and all I could do was spit up clear slime - I couldn't breathe, my throat hurt - I couldn't get the food up and out and it would not go down. I ate too fast, too big bites and paid the price. I had to run upstairs take off all my clothing and sit down, stand up, shake my body and try to get my food to move.
I can't even remember what the last bite was - I was not thinking. I need to be kinder and more careful - I CAN NOT ruin this band.
So that was the week Ive had. I have been in this strange state where Im ignoring everything that I NEED to pay attention to since the work fiasco. I can't muster up the attitude to deal with everything including my band. I feel like I want to escape for a bit. I need my life back to normal plus I need to figure out how to work with this band. I have my first fill on Thursday so I will blog again after that.
Thanks for reading the ravings of an in between crazy woman.