I said I'd never lie to you all. So here I am telling you I am a weak weak person and I cheated I even wished I could have had a coke on top of the yummies I consumed.
After my night of hell I couldn't get anything down - hot tea, a few crackers and half a shake. Yesterday I went back to my shakes vanilla with the sugar free caramel and water. I must admit I had planned a bit of a cheat incase I couldn't handle all the yummy food at my works opening night that I am required to attend. So I drank water all day after my 1 shake.
Well I did cheat and I tried soooo hard for it to only be 1 thing - that turned into 1 of everything and then 2 of something etc....
So now like my other binges in the past I feel shame, guilt, and self hate that I am weak and overall sadness.
I have vowed to stay 100% on the pre op from today forward. I really want to do this and be successful. I can't be around food - it is clear.
I hope I didn't totally fuck everything up.