Dear Hormones...

Dear Hormones,

Why have you become this way? What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment? I have always been fun and tried to satisfy your needs and cravings when you asked so why are you doing this? Ive grown and birthed babies for you, I have cried for you, Ive eaten chocolate for you. I have made my husband do dirty things for you. I even paid $16,000.00 for a lapband so we can have this vessel for more time and more fun. So really what gives? We have cohabited for 40 years in peaceful harmony but now you make me a F*@%ing crazy bitch boarder lining on the 'C' word. My body hurts, I fight with my kids and people I love, you make me want food I never knew existed for days, you make me gain an incredible amount of weight AND you just 'POP' in with your red friend when ever you feel like it. You know I hate pop in's especially when my kitchen is not clean.

Why are you being so rude?

Are you back on the wagon - do you need drugs, the pill, multi-vitamins, St John's Wort?
Do you need more chocolate or chips? I really hate doing that. I have no idea why you run and ruin my life for 6-9 days every month and always when I least expect it - but I need you to stop now - I am not happy living here with you anymore. Lets go back to seeing each other every 28 days - I liked that - you never overstayed your welcome - I could put up with you for 4 days - I would even look for your arrival... it was nice, normal - I liked that. Cause this is NOT working...

Please get your shit together or I will have to bring in the big guns and go right to Menopause and those bitches will f*$# you up!