I week down 1 to go.

It says 267.4 thats 12 lbs!!!! If I lose 5 more lbs. I will be the same weight I was the day I gave birth to littlest sweetie (and he was 10lbs

I wasn't going to weigh myself today since I was still feeling guilty about the cheat and being a weak slave to food. But I had to know.
Im glad I did. I can do - this I really can - I cant wait for post op liquids cause I will not be doing anything sweet - Im so sick of sweet (this statement excludes Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs and Dairy Milk of course) I am looking forward to some nice salty chicken broth.

Thanks for all your comments and I have fixed the anti comment thing so keep them coming - I love that alot of you have been there and done this and have some great little tips to keep me sane.

p.s. mashed cauliflower thing was soooooo gross with nothing to mash into it. I will roast the cauliflower tonight (another super tip from Gilly) and hope for better.

Until tomorrow xx

Death of a Foodie

Well after my intense shame of my cheat and the fear that I will be refused my band. I am back on track.
I am still soooo hungry and I cant believe there is another week of this but am trying to find new ways to amuse myself.

#1.... The water tasting...

Mmmmmmm...... 5 waters from around the world. Which tastes better? Are they worth the money? I did this with the full tasting criteria - swishing and all. 

I am convinced the VOSS is just Norwegian tap water. My favourites are from Wales and Fiji. I tried to make my husband do it but he's no fun - he doesn't love food the way I do and cant get into this.

Today I am going to try steam and mash a cauliflower to make it taste like food. Wish me luck!

Cheater cheater hors d'oeuvre eater!

I said I'd never lie to you all. So here I am telling you I am a weak weak person and I cheated I even wished I could have had a coke on top of the yummies I consumed.

After my night of hell I couldn't get anything down - hot tea, a few crackers and half a shake. Yesterday I went back to my shakes vanilla with the sugar free caramel and water. I must admit I had planned a bit of a cheat incase I couldn't handle all the yummy food at my works opening night that I am required to attend. So I drank water all day after my 1 shake.

Well I did cheat and I tried soooo hard for it to only be 1 thing - that turned into 1 of everything and then 2 of something etc....

So now like my other binges in the past I feel shame, guilt, and self hate that I am weak and overall sadness.

I have vowed to stay 100% on the pre op from today forward. I really want to do this and be successful. I can't be around food - it is clear.

I hope I didn't totally fuck everything up.

The night of hell!!!!

Ok - I went into junkie mode last night. The headache got worse - tylenol doesn't work for me.
I started throwing up the mushroom concoction at 7pm and the chocolate shake at 7:45pm. Had the cold sweat/hot flash shivers and to make sure everything was out I threw up one more time at 3am.

The headache was the worst I've ever had in my life - I started thinking I had a brain aneurysm or a stroke - I wanted to die. By 3:30 I gave in a took an Advil liquid gel and went to sleep.

What the hell was that ????????

24 hr flu?
Allergic reaction?
Bad mushroom?
Food junkie withdrawal?

At 11:00am they called from the clinic saying they have never heard of this... to go ahead and try another shake - I did have a cracker this am to get the barfy feeling out of my body. (I did check the fat and carbs and told the clinic) it was a yummy cracker.

So here I go Day 2 - chocolate shake #1 and maybe some hot tea later.

Im only allowed 3 - 12oz shakes a day and 225 calories of veggies. Which I will not get in today.

Now the up side - Im soooo NOT HUNGRY after the night from hell. Maybe my body is helping me along with this pre op thing making me violently ill so I can just sleep through the 2 weeks or at least the first few days.

I'll keep you all posted.

Pre Op Day 1 - I'm Soooo HUNGRY!!!!!!!!

Wednesday will be my weigh in day to coincide with pre op start and surgery day. So this morning my wonderful scale (which by the way has been tested for accuracy and is pretty bang on) gave me the bad news....

So after I took my weight in (not my highest 282) I started my day with my 1st shake Vanilla at 7:30am

Now Im telling you - Im sooooooooooo HUNGRY!!!!!!!!! I was starving by 11am.
I thought day 1 would be easy but no I have a headache, I got my period too - the stress of pre op scared it out a day early.
I had second - Chocolate shake at 12:30 and had to give in to raw veggies - Did you ever notice plain celery tastes like sweat? I spend my day reading about ketosis and about other gastric bypass pre op and I've got to say mine is pretty restrictive. I called to ask about Balsamic Vinegar since it says I can have Vinegar and then I got a long explanation about carbs and calories. Way too much information for my weakened state.

So I am now looking at a mushroom which I will cook and make it look like dinner with garlic and lemon juice. I will let you know what comes of it.

50 hours to Pre Op!!!

As you can see I am ready for my 2 weeks of pre op - I have all that I can drink/eat ready to go.

1. Various kinds of fancy spring water - to make me feel important and loved [check]
2. Several stalks of above ground veggies that Im aloud to eat in different forms - steamed - grilled or broiled but plain nonetheless [check]
3. My fab meal replacement shakes in both Chocolate and Vanilla - that I will tell myself daily are really really good [check]
4. And last but not least a lemon - to chase down the "really really good shakes" like cheap tequila [check] and [check]

I have 50 hours left and have chosen my final food destination - all you can eat Chinese buffet - because I think my days of all you can eat anything are gone forever. This will happen tomorrow and Tuesday I will rest and eat chocolate.

6 more days to Pre Op

Thanks for being here for me - all of your comment are keeping me on track.

I especially want to thank my friend Gilly for talking me down from the crazy ledge.

Now Im getting ready to finish off my shopping make and freeze some soup and find places for my kids to hide when I turn into the crazy I haven't eaten real food in forever lady who used to be their mom.

Im so glad I took the week off I needed it to gather myself.

Until later :)