Pantry Challenge!

As you can see Im trying to blog more and trying to be creative in what I shove in my mouth. Since my total unfill and gain and refill I have been slapped into perspective.

I tried to do a pre-op diet to get on track - I felt awful (again) and caved in 2 days. LOL 

So I thought... WHY am I going to such extremes? Yes I know - I wanted to drop alot ASAP. But I felt like crap and could not get anything done I was so tired. 

So I am tracking my food (hate doing this) and sending the husband into the store. I will not set foot into a grocery store for 1 month. (I will also forgive my husband for buying the 'wrong' thing almost every time I send him to the store and I will not want to kill him when he says that the item doesn't exist - even though I buy it all the time)

And I am doing this...

Im sure many of you have heard of this. This is something I did to save money in the past but now Im doing it to keep me out of the grocery store and on track. I found a few sites that give you the how to but I think for bandsters this takes us back to basics and lets our inner foodies out.

If you were like me you cleaned out your cupboards before surgery - well all that good food that we replaced chips and cookies with may still be in there.

So Im going for it. Ive taken inventory and I am ready. Im going to be super chef and create something from the oodles of high protein/low fat legumes that I bought pre surgery and the 19 cans of tuna (that I forgot I bought) will be transformed into gastro paradise meals. Im going to try and get the kids involved too and let them pick something from the pantry and we will research a recipe together and maybe they will be more likely to eat it.

I plan to send hubby for the staples...milk, fruit etc. (please give me the strength to provide him with detailed lists that will guide him properly through the grocery store) and I will not enter a food store or Walmart until September for back to school items - because list or no list husband will get that wrong! But this is my thing - I get into a foodie zone in the grocery store - I become hypnotized and I don't think I have ever entered without getting sidetracked from my list.

So for August - Im doing the pantry challenge! It will save money and I'm hoping it will save calories as well. You're all welcome to join in!

They never think about what our issues may be....

The chair....

This is my wrong sized chair. it was supposed to be 2" bigger - the man at the store where I bought it says whats 2" - Im being unreasonable (Im sure he wanted to use another word but stopped himself)

I told him when you buy a size 8 shoe you don't want a size 7 - he didn't get it and I refused to humiliate myself and tell him that Im too fat for the 36" chair and that I ordered 38" because I NEED the room - f%$#en douch bag! 

They have seen me and no one has thought that 'hey maybe its because of her size that she wants the bigger chair - the chair in the size she ordered??? I have never heard of this before - making a chair that may or may not be the measurements that were provided. No other piece of furniture was not the size that they told me.

I am aware that they are not mind readers but I find it so incredible that no one has figured it out without me saying it and I just look like some idiot customer who's giving them a hard time about 2". 

I shouldn't have to lower my self esteem even more and have to go into it with them about me being too big for the normal chair. Its not the right size - period. That should be enough.

I see this happen all the time - why do I want to sit on an aisle -all the seats will fit me - well so I don't have to crawl over strangers to get to my seat - why do I not want to get on that ladder that says 200 lbs max ? duh???? cause I will brake it and fall to my death?

I know that others can take these silly little things for granted but I am always scanning and looking for potential problems that may arise from my size. Its sad really - it keeps me from doing things I love or participating fully - Im on my road but its slow and all these issues make me cry sometimes. 

Thanks for reading!

my new hair and other shit!

I now have a new hair colour (or color in the US). I love it -its just what I needed. Change is upon me. Im still here going along slowly but sure of my direction.

Im learning to not fight my band - it took me a year and a bit and now that Im over it and headed in the right direction but I am sick of people thinking I need their help - "you are not banded, its not about not eating a chocolate bar (F$#@ you really think is about wanting a chocolate bar don't you???) WOW - you have no clue. 

They are coming out of the woodwork lately and putting in their 2 cents like Im some lost cause that they can save from the food - especially my one friend -  F#@% OFF!!! 

This is MY journey - not yours - you DONT know what I need! I am the only one who knows what I need and I am the only one who can fulfill the need. You worry about you and I'll worry about me. Im sure it makes you feel off the hook since you have "tried to help me" and I refuse to take your help because "I dont know what I need" Since when are you me?

My journey is longer then many but so what - I have short legs and walk slower. My brain is so complicated with my crap that I must work through. So to all those " people who want to help"  all I have to say is... nothing... because you wouldn't listen anyway. To everyone else thanks for being there on that road to show me the path and understand that I was a little slow - I couldn't have gotten this far without your judgement and understanding ~ xo bloggies